FIXIN STUFF
by the smallest of men
Summary: Alright its like this, marine gets transported to equestria and hilarity ensues. Totally need some reviews so I can keep adding chapters. Sorry for any offensive content but if it makes you all feel better most of it comes from the main character. Oh and give me some ideas for future chapters or even different genres of stories!
1. Chapter 1: Bang

**THIS IS A NON PROFIT FAN BASED NOVEL NAMES ARE ALL A FICTION OF WORK**

**FIXIN STUFF**

**CH.1** Bang

Bang!"Holy fucking tap dancing monkey balls!" I thought. looking around I saw nothing but what appeared to be an orchard. "Jesus stretch", I thought, "I told you there would be snipers but noooooooooo put the short fuck in the turret cuz your boot sergeant wanted to take charge and be VC". Cuz of this I had to stack a bunch of MRE boxes and other shit to make a "me" sized gunners stand cuz I was waiting on new parts to replace the old one...wait how did I get thrown out of the bump truck anyway? Did we get hit with an IED too? Damn now I know why gunny told me to sit this convoy out. Old bastard was right for a change...I guess. Flashing back I remembered loading up my tool boxes and spare parts for a 40 Vic convoy and him offering to send my Lance who had gotten a concussion a few weeks earlier but just got the thumbs up from the docs on Leatherneck he'd be good to go. When it was his third one and all it took to knock his ass out was a gnat to land on his head. So of course I said "No guns I got this, I'll be fine". And in truth aside from being numb I was A-ok, still breathing and my vision was even starting to come into focus. Oh well I guess I'll try to piece together the rest of that fun-filled convoy. Hmmmmm well LT boottastic had a long-winded, drawn out, anal evacuation of a brief so that seemed pretty normal so far. Stretch was mounting the 240 and I was about to ask him who our gunner was going to be when out of nowhere SGT goddamn Smith popped right the fuck out of nowhere scaring the shit AND piss out of me. Ever since he picked up he thought he was gods gift to the corps, when in reality he was a kissass clerk that wanted to get a CAR so he could show off to the OTHER officefucks. "So", he said smiling "Cpl V hows life, you ready to fix some shit?", being polite i responded "Fuck off Smith im always ready to fix ur fuckups". "Well that's me for ya just a bundle of happy, rainbow sunshine", I thought. Of course SGT Smith didn't take it to well," Fuck you V I cant wait to see ur little ass stuck up in the turret sweating your balls off with any luck we'll get hit hard enough to throw your smart ass outta the damn turret". "The fuck you mean im in the turret?"I said. Smith chuckled,"Lemme guess you zoned out again during the ma'am's brief?" I didn't say anything since my shitty poker face told him all he needed to know."Damn sucks for you dude, yeah you're the gunner this time around and I'll be VC"."Your a real asshat you know that SGT?" I said, he shrugged "Meh ill live". So yeah Afghanistan,Helmand province in the Sangin area a week after the grunts made the push in the city not the place to be rolling around in big moving targets with ur head sticking out.  
But back to the situation at hand, I tried to move my hands but I got nothing but a shot of pain down my back the same with my feet and legs,"Great I guess I'm paralyzed" I thought. But now that I thought about it my eyes were almost back to normal and i could start to move my head. Doing so i saw that my Kevlar had come undone and there was a nice _good god look at that_ sized hole on the back which had me assume that the front probably had the entry for the round. "Okay," I thought,"That explains the bang I guess, now lets see if I can pull some _Kill Bill_ shit and get my piggies, or anything for that matter moving.  
I guessed an hour went by before I was able to get my legs to start moving, still couldn't control my head but I assumed I still had all my limbs otherwise I'd be dead by now...Oh and also I might not be paralysed so yay! Been trying to yell for a doc but the best I got was probably the quietest church mouse whisper I'd ever heard. Another hour rolled by and let me just say WTFJCD! (Thats _what the fucking jesus christ dude_, for all you fucks reading this.) I was finally able to move my head and lemme say WTFJCD once more. I...Have...A...Little...HORSE BODY. Naturally after realizing this I did what any sane man would do, I threw up and blacked out.

**SO WHAT DID YA THINK SO FAR?! GOT BORED WHILE TRAINING SO I THOUGHT WHAT THE HELL MLP FANFIC :)**  
**DONT WORRY IT GETS BETTER(HOPEFULLY)**


	2. Chapter 2:Need A Light

**CH.2 Need A Light**

I woke up in what looked to be some sort of old-fashioned brightly lit house. "Thats wierd it smells like apples," I thought, " Huh guess when you have a bad dream you smell apples."  
It was then that it all came back to me and with a swift tug I threw the apple embroidered quilt off and saw exactly what I didn't want to see. Yeah still a horse... Well that's not good.  
Upon further examination I saw that I was a light brown horse and seeing a mirror close by I had slightly short hair with a slight curl to the ends (Would it be mane? I guess so.) at least God had the sense of humor to give me my slightly out of regs haircut. My eyes were also light brown so so far everything was matching up ok, aside from being a horse. I then examined my legs and saw that I had a weird tat on my ass cheek, upon closer inspection it looked like a wrench tightening a bolt. This made me smile even more at the sheer irony that you can't escape what your good at. "Well," I thought "Guess I should see if I can still walk". Pushing myself up with my hooves...Goddamn it I mean HANDS!... Meh fuck it adapt and overcome I guess.  
Well anyways pulling myself up I swung both legs over to the end of the bed and noticed the slight drop to the floor. "Huh", I thought, "Guess things are bigger here". Shrugging it off I hopped the side and landed on my... Hooves. After much flailing which made me feel like a jackass I gave in to my common sense and was down on all fours. It was definitely not my most graceful of steps but I got the walking bit down and despite being sore and having a slight headache felt pretty good. I noticed not far from me was a dresser that was bright red and had green apples for knobs and on top of said dresser was my Kevlar. Walking over I got a better look at the damage done and almost shat a brick considering how close it was from hitting my grape, I was pretty damn lucky, but considering what was happening I remained skeptical. Looking down I noticed a drawer was cracked, so being the bored bastard I am I opened it.  
What was in there made me slightly happier it was my Flak Jacket, but it was whats on it that made me happy. Two packs of menthols, my Zippo, and a few tools that I used for quick fixes. Now what I needed was a way to get those off my flak and put em in my pocke... Shit naked horse me. Well I might as well pull them off that flak, it was pretty shredded up anyways like something ripped it off of me. Using my mouth since I didn't wanna try my hooves I bit down on the shredded remains and immediately regretted it. I forgot how much a guy sweats when he has to do 3 day long convoys in the desert sooooo the taste was less than palpable. So after sacking up I bit the jacket and tossed it to the bed. Step one done next step the smokes.  
Using my noodle I devised a half assed plan to use my nose to push up my pen that was hangin loosely off my Flack and with my mouth use that to push out a pack of my smokes out of the frag pouch that they were in. After much fumbling I managed to dislodge the smokes and the lighter! Fuckin sweeeeeet. "Now then," I thought after I used my mouth to pop the pack open and retrieve the cig "How the do I use the lighter!". It was then that I heard a knock on the door and before I could do anything it opened. Stepping inside was an orange horse with what looked a cowboy Stetson hat on. On its back was a tray of what looked to apples, pie, and juice. "Well hello partner geussin ya feelin a might bit better hope y'all got an appetite for some good eats." Considering what had taken place today I think I took the talkin horse offering me food better than I thought "Holy shit a talking horse!" Yup smooth like pudding. "I beg yer pardon sugarcube?", was all I got out of it before,  
once again, my head spun and I blacked out. My last thoughts were,"Damn I hope I don't break my cig...".

**WELL THERES CH. 2! STILL FIGURING OUT THE PROOFREADING SHIT SINCE IM NEW TO THIS. SO PLEASE LEMME KNOW IF YOU SEE ANY ERRORS. ALSO ANY FUTURE IDEAS WILL ALSO BE A PLUS!**


	3. Chapter 3: An Apple A Day

**CH.3 An Apple A Day**

"Poor lil fella," Applejack said, "What do ya think happened to him?" "I don't reckon I know, but a kid his age should know better than run off round these parts, specially since were so dang close to the Everfree forest he's mighty lucky to have passed out here." replied Big Mac chewin on his straw bit. "Well he should be gettin up soon and then maybe he can get some of this here food in him, it's not every day that Granny takes the time to make her signature pie." AJ said eyeing the pie with envy. "Uggggggghhhhhhh fuckin ballllllllllsss im never havin habusake again with u assholes." I grumbled as the world came back into view. I look up to see 2 horses the orange one and a big ass red one. "Oh hellllllll noooooo." I reply after seeing them both and burying my face into the pillow of the same bed I've been in for god knows how long. "Well evening there sugar cube ya feelin a bit better now?" said the orange one. "No horse lady that can talk, im not feeling better, in fact im feeling about as good as a mute covered in bees crying for help." this apparently got their attention as I saw raised eyebrows follow my statement. What can i say? I got me an imagination. "I'm gonna leave him with you AJ still got work to do...and i gotta fix that cart fore market time tomorrow." "Alrighty Big Mac I think I can handle a little lost colt." It was at this that I looked at the orange one, AJ I guess? And noticed both of them were bigger that me. In fact im probably about 6 or 7 inches shorter than her! "Why God?!" I yelled in my head. "Was it something I said?!" "Why turn me into a horse and give me my same stature!?" "Is this punishment for pissing in SGT Smiths coffee?" AJ must have noticed this since she had a look of concern on her face, huh its funny I never thought you could read a horses face but I guess you learn something new everyday. "Aww don't be down sugar cube," she said "I'm sure we'll find your parents but before that you should eat this here grub before it gets cold." she stated, gesturing to the plate. "Listen uh..." "AppleJack" she added "Yeeeeahhhh, AppleJack I appreciate the food and everything and I guess you could say im lost but im not a kid im just...short." I forced a smile. "Now listen here sugar cube," "V," I added, "What?" "Just call me V." "Alright well V I remember when I was a filly and I thought the same way but im tellin ya.." "I'm 20 for gods sake!" "Ohhhh uhhhh sorry bout that Mister V." She looked embarrassed at her hooves "Crap no im sorry, I can see how I could be mistaken as...Someone slightly younger" I worded very carefully. "Well Mister V," "Just V is fine." "Well V if ya don't mind me asking what were ya doing on my family's land?" "Well I uhhhhh was... Lost?" I smiled. My first goal is to not be locked up in some crazy pers...Horse house for saying some crazy shit...  
Well crazier shit. "Lost huh?" She said not buying a word of the crap I shoveled in front of her. "Well I guess you could say I had a bunch of people after me because of my work." Nice save V bravo. "People? Ya mean some pony?" "Pony? you mean horses right?" "No I mean ponies." Ughhhhh you know what im a trout in the river and im going with the flow. "Oh of course ponies!" I said, "What I say?" "People." she replied "Penguins?" "No people," "Papaya?" "PEOPLE." She said flatly, "Nope no people here just a lost beat up pony." I smiled widely. Ahhh V you truly are an amazing creature sometimes. "Oookay then, so what kind of work do ya do that'd make a bunch of PONIES wanna go after ya?" Shit...Come on shitbird come up with something! "I...Fix stuff?" "Fix stuff?" AJ replied, angling her head in confusion.  
Yeah im a mechanic I fix things for free just so I get to see the smiles on poor ponies' faces. Poetry in motion Mister V. "Okay well that still doesn't explain why ya got beat up V." Stated AJ. "Well the thing is since I work for free I made enemies with my competitors who were in it for the money so they jumped me and ran me out-of-town they've been hounding me for days till I got to your orchard, I guess they thought they finished me off, lucky I had my protection." I smiled at my gear though I was more focused on my cigs "Dont worry babies daddy's still got you." I thought. AJ mulled it over "Hmmmm well ok V I reckon your excuse is valid enough...for now." She said. Touchdown V! And the crowd goes apeshit! "But im tellin ya now the apples don't take kindly to liars and hooligans." She said eyeing me seriously. Feigning shock I replied "Who me? Never!" "Well ya better not be, now why don't you eat somethin fore ya pass out." "Miss AppleJack don't mind if I do" I said. I then proceeded, still not sure of my hooves to facedive into the still piping hot apple pie...AAAAAGGGHHHHHhhh..."Now why did ya do a fool thing like that sugar cube?!" Replied a concerned AJ "I don't know!" I yelled attempting to douse the heat with the juice. A few minutes later I had a slightly reddened face and a pack of ice that AJ HOOVED to me. I was about use my mouth when I noticed she was holding it with her HOOF. So, drumroll please...I can use my hooves!... I don't know how but who gives a rats ass!

**SO THERE YO GO CH.3 AND THANKS FOR THE REVIEW MAJOR! THE REASON THE STRUCTURE IS A LIL OFF IS 1. IVE NEVER WRITTEN ANYTHING BEFORE **

**2. IVE NEVER HAD A THING FOR STRUCTURE :D BUT KEEP READING,REVIEWING AND POSTING IDEAS!**


	4. Chapter 4:Like A Moth To The Flame

**CH.4: Like A Moth To The Flame**

After a pleasant enough sleep in the apples guest bedroom I was awoken abruptly by the sound of a rooster dutifully crowing his song.  
"Shut your fucking mouth." I groaned still feeling tired from yesterdays events. I had to hand it to myself for a mild-mannered eloquent man like myself I was taking being a pony pretty well...Oh my god I need to pee! Looking around for a second door that might lead to a restroom I found only a closet filled with knick knacks of...Apples.."Damn," I thought "I get it you guys love apples." But back to the problem at hand...Hoof, whatever I gotta piss. Exiting the room and heading downstairs I saw that either no one was up or, this being a farm, everyone was busy working. So not wanting to bother anyone and being a polite guest I fought my natural randomness to piss in something lying around or out a window. Eyeing a screen door, and not wanting to be bombarded by a mountain of apples if I opened the wrong hatch, I figured it'd be better to head outside and ask someone. I saw AJ talking to a slightly smaller than me green pony. The conversation didn't last long because by the time I got to the door it was just AJ. "Hey AJ!" I yelled. "Well mornin' there V! If you're looking for breakfast you can check the icebox in tha kitchen!"  
she replied. "Uh cool, but I was wondering where your Head was at." I said. Smiling she said "Well aint it obvious it's on top of my shoulders!"  
..."Goddamn you Marine Corps brainwashing jargon I've come accustomed to using!" I thought. "No I mean your bathroom, I can't find it in here aside from a shower and sink." "Oh well shoot V why didn't u say so?" she laughed, "The outhouse is over yonder." "Okay...Hey which way is yonder?" I said crossing my hind legs out of extreme need to piss. AJ exhaled and pointed left to what looked like an olde timey port-a-shitter "Ohhhhhhh." I said blushing slightly, mental note V yonder is apparently left. After hauling some extremely fast ass I made it to the John. Entering I noticed immediately the smell of apples, "Wow totally not the smell I was expecting." I thought. "Either that or they really DO eat nothing but apples."  
I realized with horror at the sheer obvious fact. Pushing that thought aside I looked at the toilet area. They had your standard asswipe, seat, and hole leading down so it looked safe and familiar enough for me to use without committing an embarrassing accident. So I went to undo my belt...oh yeah no belt, or pants or clothes..."My shame has been exposed for all the world to see!" I yelled. "Uhhh ya okay in there V?" I heard AJ in the distance.  
"Uhhh yeah I just said, I can't wait until I pee!" "Okay well if y'all be needing me I'll be helping Big Mac near the barn." I heard her walk off and I exhaled a sigh of relief. Getting over being a nudist took about 5 seconds so now it was back to peeing. "I guess I could sit and pee." I thought but the only problem with that is I don't want my dangley bits to somehow touch whatever might be down in that hole...Yup im that paranoid when it comes to this subject. So hopping up and holding the sides of the walls I guesstimated my angle as best my high school math classes taught me, which was hardly anything considering how much I loathed math growing up. So I just stood there waiting...Huh I thought I would just go, OHHH MY GOD!  
Well it seems I REALLY had to go and didn't really notice a stream of hot yellow justice raining up about an inch from my face and landing everywhere but the hole. "No no no-no no" I said, "Gotta aim gotta aim." Pulling some James Bond shit I was able to reflect the piss off the side and into the hole. After a minute of soul gratifying relief I was done and used most of the roll of asswipe to clean up the mess. "Ok note to self," I thought, "I now pee sitting down." Exiting the head my mech senses were tingling, someone was fixing something that s broken...And were doing a lousy job of it. I flew with the speed of Kenyans to the origin of the broken gear and saw a barn, a cart, AJ, and who I could only assume was her brother Big Mac. "Mech-an-ic powers activate!" I thought as I continued to haul ass towards them. Before Big Mac could say good morning I threw him over my shoulder thanks to the MCMAP training I was suckered into doing, and a mix of being in the zone. "V what the hey are y'all doing?!" Yelled AJ as she ran to her brother. But not 2 minutes later I had the cart upright, the split axle fixed by using a few wood screws and brackets against the body of the cart, and the wheels replaced. "Ahhhh," I exhaled, "There we go good as new." I said.  
AJ stood with her mouth agape, "How did yall...Big Mac...The cart..." "Yeah I have that impact on ponies." I said smugly. AJ then turned to her groaning brother, "Get up lazy bones!  
We can finally load up for market!" "What happened?" Groaned Big Mac. "I shoulder threw you like a sack of puppies and fixed your cart dude." I stated pointing at the cart. "Oh okay then," He said still slightly out of it, "Guess I'll be loadin them apples and goin ta market." He said stumbling woozily. "I gotta hand it to him he can really take a good throwing." I said to AJ. "Yeah he sure can," She said smiling, "And thanks again for yalls help V." "No prob I owed you guys anyway,  
but if you excuse me I have a date with a filtered menthol beauty." I said walking back to the apple house. "Well ok th...beg your pardon?" AJ said head cocked in slight confusion.

**FINALLY GET THAT SMOKE,HOPEFULLY. ALSO I DONT KNOW WHY BUT I REALLY LIKE THIS CHAPTER AND CANT WAIT TO EXPAND MORE!**

**AAAAAAAAAANNNNNND I GOT 50 VIEWS! I HAVE NO IDEA IF THATS GOOD BUT WHO CARES! YAY!**


	5. Chapter 5: Smoke Break

**CH.5: Smoke Break**

Walking to the apples front porch and upon entering their cheery home I headed directly for the guest room. And there, almost eyeing me mischievously, on the dresser were my smokes and lighter. "Finally" I exhaled grabbing a smoke and putting it in my mouth, I then tucked my Zippo behind my ear. "I could just light up here." I thought but after a few seconds of deep thought I decided against it, "Nahhh last thing I want is my hosts to think im some sort of asshole." I mulled over in my mind. So, with a bit more haste added to my step, I hauled ass to the porch, eyed a nice rocker, hopped up, and planted my butt cheeks firmly in place.  
Cig in lips, lighter in hooves, and just a flick from finally beating my day and a quarter craving...This was it! "Thanks again V!", AJ said as if she appeared out of thin air. Reacting so I replied with the following, "Sweet Jesus!" Then fell off said rocker, crushing my smoke with my eyeball,  
"AAAAAAAaaaghhhhhh! My eye!...MY SMOKE!" Followed from my mouth. "Are y'all ok?!" Said a concerned, approaching AJ. "Nooooooooo"  
I whined, "Noooooooo I'm not okay, now I have to get another damn cig!" If there's one thing I hate more than pandas and dolphins its wasting smokes.  
"A cig?", replied AJ, "Ya mean one of them there white sticks you had in y'alls mouth?". "Yes'" I mumbled' "They help me relax, and think, I usually have one...  
Or six after I do something like eat or work...Or tie my shoe." I said plainly. "Well V I'm sure I can just head inside and grab you one, I gotta head in and start fixing lunch in a bit anyway." She said smiling politely, "Where y'all got em at?" She asked. Huh ya know these ponies aren't as bad, or crazy, as I thought.  
"Well there on the dresser in the guest room in a little box that's green on bottom and white on top." I said describing my penchant for a particular brand of menthol goodness. "Well y'all just lemme set things up in the kitchen and I'll come back out with one of those cig things." She said heading inside. "Thanks again AJ!" I called as she left. Sitting back on the rocker I admired, for once despite my natural pessimistic attitude, the scenic place I found myself in. "You know'" I thought to myself, "This definitely kicks Afghanistan square in the nuts when it comes to looks." But while I relaxed I didn't notice the three smaller flashes to my left. And while I began to rock rhythmically to my relaxed breathing I was immediately tackled of the chair by three small blurs.  
It was then I realised just how Big Macs poor red ass felt when I shoulder threw him not an hour ago. "Oww." I replied as I was being put into a choke hold,  
half an arm bar, and what I can assume was a poor attempt at a bear hug. "I think I got him!" Cried the green pony I saw earlier today. "Well teach you to mess with one of Cutie Mark Crusaders family!" Cried a light brown pony. "Yeah...you big jerk-face!" Yelled a white one. It was then that, once again the Corp's training kicked in as I shrimped to the side, curled up, and broke out of their holds. "Hey!" The ponies cried in unison. "Hey yourself," I said, "Whats with the aggravated assault?" I queried. The white pony stepped up looking a lil shaken, "Me and Scootaloo saw what you did to Big Mac earlier when we were coming over to get Apple Bloom!" She cried gesturing to, who I now assumed to be Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. "You tell him Sweetie Belle!" Yelled Apple Bloom backed by what looked to be a very pissed Scootaloo. "Yeah what kind of Colt does that?!" Your lucky we don't tell on you!" Yelled Scootaloo. Staring at them blankly for a few seconds I began what I could only assume to be my introduction that I'll have to make from now on, which included how I'm not a damn 'Colt' but an adult...or Stallion I guess. By the time it was all said and done the three looked a little less pissed, which was good...I guess. "Well ok but why did y'all throw my brother?" Asked Apple Bloom with a concerned look in her eye. I shrugged "I was in fixing mode." I said, "When I see something busted I kinda have to fix it."  
"Riggggggghhhht" Replied Scootaloo sarcastically. Just then her eyes lit up, "Wait you can fix stuff?!". "Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhh I think we already established that." I remarked. "Perfect!" She squealed, "Now we have somepony to help us!" "Wait what?" I said, but before I knew it I was being dragged by my mane and front legs to god knows where. Its was while being dragged that I remembered AJ and of course my precious smokes. "Nooooooooooo!" I cried but despite my resistance I found myself being dragged still by three determined fillies. "Uggggghhhhh," I thought, "And THIS is why I hate kids."

**WOW! ITS BEEN A BIT SINCE MY LAST UPDATE BUT TRAINING HAS BEEN...A TEENSY BIT HECTIC. TOPPED 100 VIEWS! SOOO HAPPY FOR THAT! BUT PLEASE DONT FORGET TO FOLLOW AND REVIEW SO I CAN MAKE A BETTER STORY FOR YOU READERS! THE MORE OF THE TWO I GET THE BETTER THE STORY WILL BECOME!**


	6. Chapter 6: Scootin Along

**CH.6: Scootin Along**

After what seemed like ages of dragging, pulling, and occasional attempts to resist I soon found myself pulled in front of a small clearing. Within the clearing was a clubhouse that was well-built, despite looking weather-worn, and what looked like a small wagon and some other object lying on its side. "Soooo can you let go of my body now?" I asked with ample amounts of dirt in my mouth. Scootaloo spat my mane out and her filly friends dropped my hooves. "Sorry bout that." Smiled Apple Bloom. "Yeah Mister V I guess we got carried away." Said a slightly blushing Sweetie Belle. "I hope you're not mad at us." a puppy dog face making Scootaloo replied. And before I could even think of a response I was assaulted with what I like to call the 'Goo Goo Eye' faces, something I thought only my Niece was capable of using on me. But keeping my bearing and military resolve I said, very cooly, "Daaaaaaaawwwwwwww its okay girls, just tell old Uncle V what you need." I really fucking hate kids sometimes, sticky, shifty-eyed, plotting bastards. "Yayyyy!" They squealed in unison almost bursting my eardrums. "We'll be back to Cutie Mark Crusading in no time!" Exclaimed a smiling Sweetie Belle. "Cutie what now?" I asked confused, the three young fillies turned to me looking almost as confused as me. It took a pointing hoof and a brief explanation from apple bloom to make me realize the tattoo on my ass was a cutie mark which apparently is given to you when you realize what your special talent is. "What kind of grown pony doesn't know that?" Asked Apple Bloom.  
"I'm not an old man Apple Bloom." I said flatly, "And anyways what does this whole crusading thing have to do with dragging me a quarter-mile through the woods and an ant hill?" "Come on I'll show you its this way." Said Scootaloo using her wing to point the wa..."WING!" I yelled pointing at her. "The hay's the matter with you?" Said Apple Bloom, "Course she has wings she's a Pegasus just like Sweetie Belle being a Unic... "HORN!" I then yelled pointing at Sweetie Belle's head. Damn I really gotta stop reacting like any normal person would if they saw this kinda shit. "Ya telling me ya never saw a Pegasus or a Unicorn before?" Asked Apple Bloom. "Uhhhhhhh no we didn't have either where I used to live." I lamely responded. "Wow where was that V?" Asked Sweetie Belle. Quick on my toes I responded hastily, "Say girls what was it you wanted help with?"  
"Oh yeah." Said Scootaloo, "Its right by our cart come on!" She then led me to the cart and what ended up being the frame and steering component to a ghetto rigged scooter. "See I was going to pick up Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle but I hit some bumps on the way to Sweetie Belle's place and it just sorta fell apart." Said Scootaloo looking slightly upset to see her scooter in such a state. "Huh ok well I don't have my tools on me since you guys decided to drag me here." but looking at the three innocently smiling fillies I replied, "Buuuut I guess I can take a quick look at it."  
I said smiling slightly. "Yay! Thanks V!" They cried in joy...And once again in unison. "Ughhhhhhh I'm never gonna get my smoke break now." I thought to myself. Approaching the scooter I could tell I might not need anything more than a wrench or some pliers. It seemed the mounting screws for the scooter's steering handle were stripped loose. Turning to the fillies I said, "You guys are in luck looks like I can fix your scooter." Clapping my hooves to my ears I droned out one more 'yay!' from the three. But I raised a hoof and stated bluntly, "I need you guys to help me out, you can think of yourselves as my apprentices." I smiled. "Really?" They asked, "Yup all I need is a bolt, a nut, and some pliers or a wrench." I listed to them. Apple Bloom immediately smiled, "I know where we can get that stuff I've been using a bunch of things like that to fix up our clubhouse! Come on girls!"  
And as if they were hiding rocket engines in their asses they sped off. "Wow," I thought, "Did I have that much energy growing up?...Hmmm yup! Good thing I grew out of that just like how my attention span gre...Oh butterfly!" But before I could admire my distraction I saw that Apple Bloom had returned with a toolbox in her mouth and Scootaloo was dragging what looked to be a belt. "Here ya go V!" She said laying the box down. "Perfect." I said as I pulled out the pliers and two adjustable wrenches. "And here!" Said Scootaloo, "You can use this tool belt we borrowed from Big Mac!" "Borrowed?" I asked arching my eyebrow but seeing and trying the multipocketed belt I pushed being a responsible young adult aside.  
"Verrrrry nicccccceeee." I stated, "At least I got pockets now." I thought, though it was bit loose around the waist, but then again it was meant for Big Mac.  
It was then that I noticed Sweetie Belle approach with something in her mouth. "Sweetie Be..." I began to say but was cut short when she spat a few bolts and nuts out of her mouth. "Blehhhh," She said, "Tastes funny." And without skipping a beat I replied "What would you expect with that many nuts in your mouth..." I was greeted with blank stares, damn kids wouldn't know humor if it bit them in the ass. "Ahem anyway this'll work just gimme a minute."  
And no more than 60 seconds later the scooter was fixed and smiles from the fillies were received. "Thanks V!" Replied Scootaloo as she begin to haul ass around the general area. "Damn'" I thought, "It's no wonder the thing broke." But despite all this they seemed happy enough, so happy they assaulted me with random body part bear hugs. "V you should totally come with us to Fluttershy's place! Were gonna try to see if we can get our cow milking cutie marks!" "Yeah!" Cried the other 2. "Yeah!" I cried getting caught in their hyperactiveness, "Wait now?!" I said but just like earlier I was grabbed, though this time I was thrown in the back of their rickety cart and was speeding farther from my smokes and deeper into the woods..."God damn kids." I grumbled.

**HOLY HELL WAS I BORED! SO BORED I DECIDED TO PUMP ANOTHER CHAPTER OUT :D STILL NEED THOSE REVIEWS AND FOLLOWS THO! EVEN IF YOU DISLIKE IT LET ME KNOW WHAT I CAN DO. ASIDE FROM THAT HAVIN TIME OFF IS AWESOME BUT I CANT WAIT TO GO BACK TO JAPAN! REMEMBER BRONIES KEEP READING! AND KEEP THE MAGIC ALIVE!**

**SEMPER FIDELIS**


	7. Chapter 7: The Fluttershy Effect

**CH. 7: The Fluttershy Effect**

"Great," I thought to myself as I found myself barreling at mach, holy fucking fast down a dirt road lined with trees, bushes, and lush grass, "I get to make a new random friend due to the fact I was overpowered by three little fillies...Man I am soooooo chain-smoking when I get back to the Apple's farm. "So where are we headed again?!" I yelled over the wind and squeaks coming from the cart and scooter wheel's. "To Fluttershy's!" Cried Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. "Sounds like a very...Timid pony?" I responded mildly, dear God is everyone's name here so damn wierd?...Then again I just call myself V so I guess it could be worse. My thoughts were interrupted by the giggles of the two fillies, "I wouldn't call her timid." Said Sweetie, "Yeah," interrupted Applebloom, "Shes just shy and quiet!" "Thats...Thats what timid means Applebloom." I said rubbing my hooves against my temple. "Ohhhhhhhh well why didn't y'all say that then?" She queried. "Nevermind." I replied, "How far are we from her place anyway?" "Probably a few more seconds at the rate Scootaloo is going." Sweetie Belle said mulling it over. I then noticed both of them immediately gripping the sides of the cart tightly and before I had a chance to respond I found myself flying though the air. "SHIIIIIIIITTTTT!" Was all I could manage as I landed head first into a chicken coop. "Oh my gosh V! Guess we shoulda told ya that Scootaloo was stopping." Said a concerned Applebloom, "Ughhhhhhhh" I responded. Aside from a bump, feathers in the mouth and what I guessed was chicken shit I was ok. "Dear God that sucked." I said. Just then I heard something approaching from the side of the coop.  
I was greeted with the most pissed off bunny rabbit I've ever seen and being mollywhopped by the carrot it was carrying. "Ow! The fuck?!"  
I cried as the Bugs Bunny on 'roids continued to assault me, throwing an occasional karate kick that would put Chuck Norris to shame. "Oh my!" Came a weak whisper cry of surprise. "Angel I'm sure he didn't mean to wake you from your nap please stop!" The yellow pony continued to squeak timidly. After a furry haymaker I finally kicked myself back into Jarhead destroy mode and put the white ball of cuteness in a headlock, "Naptime asshole I said as I got my hold in." Seconds later the rabid wabbit was lights out, "Ok" I said getting up and dusting myself off.  
The shocked Pegasus before me who I assumed was Fluttershy immediately rushed to the asshole rabbit, "Angel! Oh my goodness! Are you okay?"  
"He'll be fine in a few minutes." I said rubbing my jacked up jaw, "It's just a blood choke." Fluttershy shot up with a look of waaaaaaay to pissed off and near tears she then proceeded to grab my hoof and threw me across her yard, "FUUUUCCKK!" I screamed as I landed on the ground. "Okay I think im good on flying today." I thought. "Oh my! I'm sorry I don't know what came over me!" She said helping me up, "Its alright," I said, "Your not the first one to assault me today." "And I doubt It'll be the last time knowing my apparent lack of luck" I thought. "Girls help me get your friend inside the house."  
"Gotcha Fluttershy!" The fillies replied as they helped me inside her cottage. "Quaint" I smiled to her, a slight blush told me the V charm wasn't TOTALLY ineffective. They set me out on a couch as Fluttershy began to instruct the girls on how to milk cows, and Scootaloo asking what an udder was.  
After leading the fillies outside she came back into the cottage and went to her kitchen returning not a minute later with an icepack. "Here you go this should help with the swelling." She said as she hoofed off the cold pack. "Thanks" I said as I took it from her and applied it gingerly to my swelled head. "Man if my guys could see me now, getting my ass handed to me by a rabbit wouldnt bode well for me." I thought somberly. Noticing the face I was making Fluttershy addressed it as much as I thought someone with a name like Fluttershy would, she fidgeted, tried to make eye contact, and finally said softly, "Um are you alright?" "Oh yeah im just upset I broke your coop door." I lied smiling meekly for added effect. "Oh well its fine im sure I can get it fixed when I get some free time." She said. "Really?" I asked, "Considering all these animals you got here I doubt you're gonna have any free time soon, especially with those three." I said gesturing a hoof outside towards the fillies manhandling a cows udders. "In fact," I added springing off the couch with such apparent quickness I must have scared her, as she yelped and fell out of the chair she was on. "Uhhhhh you good?" I asked. "I'm fine." She replied in a small heap. "Hmm well I can't leave you like that." I said. So, being no slouch to extra weight,  
I Fireman...er Firepony carried her outside to the coop. By this time the fillies were being chased by about two cows, so I knew I wouldn't have a lot of time to fix the door until I'd have to rescue the three. "Wow your sure pretty strong for a little colt." Replied a surprised Fluttershy as I slung her softly to the ground. "Uh im not a colt, I'm just partly grown." I said as I began looking at the hinges and getting the tools out of my 'borrowed' belt.  
"Oh I'm sorry I just assumed you were a school friend of the girls." Said, what I could assume to be, an embarrassed Fluttershy. "Damn," I thought, "My Dad was right my stature could get me carded at a library for a Dr. Seuss book. "Nope its been awhile since I've been to school." I laughed. After some small talk, fixing the door, and an epic battle between me and a small herd of cows, and a ferret, for some reason, we were back in Fluttershy's cottage drinking tea, though I'd prefer some coffee, and scolding the girls. "..And that's why you shouldn't milk a bull." Finished Fluttershy, "Ohhhhhhhh."  
Came the fillies' reply. "Well girls I'd say it's about time to go home, it's getting late." Said Fluttershy, putting down her cup. "Awwwwwww come on!" Said Scootaloo "Yeah we just got here!" Said Sweetie Belle. I was then expecting Applebloom to respond but found her konked out on the couch in a little ball. "Huh," I thought, "Hard to imagine she's a serious pain in the ass when she's asleep." "You know what you two it is getting late, how about we get going home? And before you argue I'll show you how to get that scooter of yours to move even faster if we get a move on." I smiled widely. "Really?!" Said a hyped Scootaloo, "Even faster than Rainbow Dash?!" "...What? Is that like another brand of scooter or something?" I replied definitely looking more clueless than usual. "You never heard of Dash?!" The two fillies exclaimed. "Wait!" said Sweetie Belle apparently getting an idea, "We could bring Dash over to Applebloom's tomorrow so we can really test out how fast it can go!" "Perfect!" A high hooving Scootaloo said. "Cool" I said just wanting to get back before AJ started worrying about her sister, and MAYBE getting a cig or two in with some food...Hell maybe some apple flavored liquor or hooch...Huh what would a drunk horse look like anyway? Well as long as their not like that drunk camel back in Delaram I should be good. "Well girls, V, have a safe trip back." Waved a smiling Fluttershy, "And thanks for fixing the chicken coop!" "No prob Fluttershy!" I said as I loaded Applebloom into the cart and then realized what kind of ride I was about to experience AGAIN. "Oh fucking ass tits." I said as I gripped the cart, Scootaloo once again hauled Kenyan rivaling speed down the road.

**WOOOW ITS BEEN A BIT SINCE MY LAST UPDATE! BUT TRAINING IS SLOWING DOWN SO EXPECT MORE UPDATES. HOPE YALL ARE ENJOYING THIS CUZ I KNOW I AM :D IF NOT LEMME KNOW HOW TO BETTER MYSELF! OH AND I TOPPED 200 VIEWS AND THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER TO DATE! READ REVIEW AND FOLLOW!**


	8. Chapter 8:Stallions Being Stallions

**CH. 8: Stallions Being Stallions**

"Wow V!" Said an amazed Apple Bloom, "I've never seen anypony barf that much in mah life!" "Greeeat" I said wiping the remains of my emptied stomach off my face. For the record I had learned from my last unfortunate mistake I made with Scootaloo's driving by holding on the sides of the death cart that the fillies ride along in. Unfortunately I didn't realize how hard of a stop it would be, to put it bluntly, we stopped not on a dime but a gnats cunt hair, the end result forced what was in my stomach, which wasnt a lot mind you, to eject with the force of Samuel L. Jackson's acting presence...So it was a helluva upchuck as I saw the tree I hit about 10 meters away. "So uh, I guess we don't have to tell your sis and family EVERYTHING that happened right?" I asked with the most serious face I could muster at the time. "Course not V, I wouldn't dream of it." She replied with a rambunctious smile that told me otherwise. "Ugh its gonna be one of those nights." I thought to myself. Just then my nose was assaulted with a delicious aroma of cooked food, the effect immediately making my now bare, empty, stomach rumble very loudly. Apple Bloom took immediate notice and laughed, "Come on V race ya to tha supper table!" She sped off, quite quickly, to the Apple's house. "Oh no you don't!" I said as I kicked into my dad's patented 'baby mamma drama' patented sprint. After making it to the house first I supply apple bloom with my ' I beat you dance of shame' and then take her lead to the kitchen. "Well look who we got here!" Replied AJ, "Two ponies almost late for supper!" Looking at Apple Bloom we countered the concerned mare's tone with a doubly effective puppy dog face. The effects were felt, I imagined, as I saw AJ smile slightly, "Well like I said ALMOST late for supper." She then gestured her hoof to the table that was set for three ponies. "What about Mac and Granny?" Inquired the filly. "Macs got the day off tomorrow so he ate earlier and is hanging around the barn doin what he pleases. And Granny said somethin bout 'meeting' somepony out in town so knowing her it's either somethin strange or somethin embarrisin...Or BOTH." She stated. "Ohhh gotcha." Yawned Apple Bloom as she took her spot near the table.I, once again, followed the fillies lead taking a chair across from her. Before I sat down my senses beheld what could only be described as 'mana from heaven'.  
Apple pie, fritters, and muffins to boot all steaming hot and smelling fresher than a Brazilian wax. "Oh sweet monkey giblets," I thought as drool escaped my lips, "REAL FOOD! Not shitty MREs or nasty ass chow hall slop but bona fide Betty Crocker back home with Mom and Pop FOOD!" I proceeded to grab a fork and dig in, making sure to avoid burning myself as I had done the day prior. "Wow" both replied two minutes later as I rubbed my belly and sipped at some cold apple juice. "What?" I said, "Something in my teeth?" I then started to use my tongue to feel for the rogue morsel soon to be devoured, only to be stopped by a laughing AJ, "Well shoot V ah only seen one other pony pack food like that before and that's Pinkie Pie!" Apple Bloom followed with her giggles, "Yup! You must have a real sweet tooth don't ya V?" Blushing slightly I replied with the obvious lying choice for this situation, "no...not really." "Yup as predictable as gravity V." I thought to myself begrudgingly. "Well since y'all finished off your plate so early, you mind washin' it off in the sink while me and Apple Bloom finish?" "Meh I guess, considering the food was that good." I answered back as I hopped off the seat, with plate in mouth, to the sink. Once finished I saw that the two mares were engaged in lady talk that I especially despised since I have nothing to add to those conversations and would most likely fall asleep if I bothered to try to pay attention. "Man I wish my dad was here, or one of the guys from my unit." I thought, "we'd bullshit and joke, crack some beers, smok...Holy fucking lightbulb!" "Hey AJ! Where did you say Mac was at?" i asked. "Oh over at tha barn I reckon, he usually hangs around there before his day off."  
"Perfect" I replied running upstairs grabbing my supplies for the tasks ahead and leaving the two ponies in the dust. About a minute later a saw the lit barn and a slightly ajar door, using my head I pushed it open and looked inside. I saw Mac, looking relaxed, reading a book, and to his left what looked like a mason jar filled with a clear liquid that had bits of apples in it. "SCORE!" I thought, "I knew they had to had some Hooch around here somewhere!"  
"Hey Big Mac!" I said loudly. Apparently he was really into his book, which was titled, _Proper Speech for a Proper Gentlecolt,_ because he almost knocked his bottle of happy juice clear out of the barn, luckily he just fell over. "Holy Celestia! V! Dont creep up on me like that! Ya almost scared me ta death!"  
"Wow sorry about that bud." I said sincerely, "I personally hate it when people creep up on me so I can relate." I added with a smile. "Soooooo whatcha got there?" I asked. He almost threw the book out of embarrassment but thought better of it and showed me the cover of his book. "Ya see i-" But I cut him off,  
"Not that! The bottle!" "Oh ya mean this?" He said picking up the jar, "It's just some of our cider distilled and aged for a bit, its got quite a kick to it that's fer sure." "You don't say?" I said snatching a cig from my pack and lighting it. "Ahhhhhh" I said exhaling smoke after a deep drag. Big Mac caught a whiff and backed up, "The hay is that?" He said, "This? Well Mac my friend, this is a bit of mentholated goodness that we smoke back home." "Kinda stinks." He replied, "Meh" was my only answer, "Now then crack that jar open bud and lets drink!" Shrugging the smoke he obliged and a sour, pungent burn of high-proof alcohol invaded my nose. Taking a deep swig he passed it off to me saying, "One word of advice V, pace 'urself with this stuff." "I wouldn't have it any other way Big Mac my friend." A half hour later the jar was empty and myself and mac were drunker than a Alabama frat house. "Hey Mac," I said groggily, "What do ya call thish shtuff?" Smiling he replied, "Good shtuff I reckon." "Hahaahahahaah! Nice one brother!" I replied offering a high hoof and forgetting how small I was, received the love full-on and was knocked backwards. "Shorry bout that V." Replied the stumbling Mac helping me up. "Ish all good bro." Was what he received as a response to the act. "I wonder wha time it ish." I slurred, "I reckon ish bout midnigh." He observed almost cross-eyed at the Moon.  
"Ugh I migh haff to hit tha hay shoon." I responded remembering the work Id have in the morning helping Scootaloo..."Wait a minute." I thought eyeing the jar that had a smidgen of the delicious beverage, "I wonder..." Approaching the jar and ignoring Big Mac's attempt to do a back flip I pulled out my Zippo and poured the liquor in the cap of the jar. The results were more than what I expected as I had a determined smile on my face. "Hey Mac! How much more of thish do you haff!?" "Uhhhhhh, I reckon' bout a dozen or two in tha cellar that are ready why ya ashk?" "Jusht wonderin brother, just wonderin."

**AND THERE YA GO DRINKIN! GOTTA LOVE IT!**


	9. Chapter 9: A Dash of Inspiration Pt1

**CH. 9: A Dash of Inspiration Pt.1**

"Ughhhhhhh, fucking panda bears." I said as I opened my eyes to find myself back in the guest room the Apples had provided me so graciously with. "What in the holy name of balls happened last night?" I thought, straining past the light migraine I would have to suffer through until coffee could be provided. Looking downward I saw Big Mac sprawled completely out on the bedroom floor with more jars strewn around randomly. "Ohhhhh yeah," I began aloud, "After my awesome idea, we decided to congratulate my awesomness...So I suggested drinking more...Damn im just full of good ideas lately." "Is that what ya call this?" asked a slightly miffed AJ. "No I call this a hangover." pointing a hoof to my noggin. "And what do ya call that?" she asked pointing to Big Mac's useless heap of a body. "Hmmm Id say a textbook definition of a light weight."  
I replied scratching my sides, "Now then if you'll excuse me madam," I started grabbing my "borrowed" belt for a morning smoke, "I have some work to get done." "Not so fast mister!" said an unamused AJ, "Ya can at least wake Macintosh up for me, so I can get started with the chores?  
Just cuz he's got the day off don't mean he can sleep it away." The stallion must have known we were talking about him, but instead of a verbal reply he answered with the RANKEST bust of ass id ever encountered, it was like goat curry night back in Afghanistan all over again. "Ohhhhhh God!" I coughed AJ simply turned tail and fled, "Well I'll leave y'all to it then! And if you're gonna keep that belt ya should at least get it fitted!" "Hmph it's not that loose...Well it is hanging off my ass a little more than I like...Wait was she staring at my ass?! Did she not care im wearing Macs belt?!" I thought to myself, then a fresh wave of ass hit my nostrils..."Fucking shit Mac, the hell is wrong with your ass?!" I said aloud to the red stallion, to no avail. "Alright dude come on wakey-wakey." I said,  
while poking him in the head. "Ohhhh crab apples...V? What in tarnation happened?" "I have no idea bro, but im pretty sure it involved more of that cider." I said pointing at the scattered jars. "Ughhh what time is it asked a bloodshot Big Mac." "Hmmm, id guess about half past morning." I stated while staring at the picturesque setting outside the window before me. "Come on Mac let's get some grub." I said, helping the behemoth of a stallion off the floor and down the stairs. At the kitchen table I saw a bowl of various apples and grabbing the biggest one proceeded to shove it into Big Mac's mouth "Eat up crazy." I told him while placing him on a chair, I then proceeded to do the same. After a few apples we both looked slightly refreshed and even big macs ass evacuations were starting to be tolerable. "Ahhhh, oh crap! Mac ive been meaning to ask you, do you guys have a scrap heap or something like that around here?" I asked remembering the task that was to be done today. "Uhhh, yeah right past the outhouse in a lil clearin, why?" "I promised one of Apple Bloom's friends to help her with her scooter I guess its to impress somepony or something." "Ahh I reckon it's probably Rainbow Dash he said grabbing another apple. "Yup that's the one!" I declared hopping off the chair and heading for the door. Outside I took a deep breath of the fresh air...and thought, "Nothing would be better than a smoke right now." Obliging my craving I lit up and continued to the supposed clearing. What I stumbled upon was a mechanics wet dream, a large mound of scrap, salvage, and parts covering about a half-acre of cleared land. Smiling widely I took my time finding the proper fittings, bolts, nuts, screws, and what I would have to use to Jerry rig the Frankenstien-esque creation I had in mind for Scootaloo and her, soon to be badass, scooter. A few hours later and I was lighting another smoke looking at what I had created. It was a little banger engine accompanied with a small battery hookup in total id say the whole setup was only ten pounds, maybe less, and I even fashioned a chained belt and appropriate wheels for the little fillies scooter. "Wooooooow." I heard from behind me. "Agghhghghhh!" I screamed swallowing my cig. "Cough, hack, -ack, the cough, wrong hack, you?" I wheezed trying to dislodge the obstruction only to swallow it. The fillies were all their, staring at the engine with much curiosity. "What is it?" asked Scootaloo, "Its whats going to make your scooter that much faster." I proclaimed giving it a little tap for good measure. "Speaking of which do you have it with you?" "Yup! Right here!" she replied, as she somehow David Blained the contraption out of nowhere. "How the he-  
nevermind, here let me mount this up." I asked, taking the scooter I began the task of setting it up. About fifteen minutes later I had it all mounted and ready to go. "Alright that should..Do it." I said tightening the last bolt on the frame. "Now all you got to do is add the fuel...Got it." I responded as I finished adding the alcohol mix to the small tank. "Alright Scoots," I began, "You gotta remember this baby will only run for a few hours so keep an eye on the tank." I said pointing to the metal container on the side. "When its low just add some of this and DONT drink it! Youll get sick." I finished, eyeing her sternly. "Got it!" she said saluting me. "Wow if this was back on Earth I would have told her to NOT salute me like an officer...I WORK for my paycheck." I thought to myself. The little filly then hopped on the scooter then stopped and began to look around, "Uhhhhhh, how does it start?" she asked, "Oh yeah!" I said, "You got to pull this cord and put your hoof down on that pedal on the side to go faster." "Okay" she replied slightly hestingly as she bit on the start cord and gave it a yank. And then it happened with a slight roar followed by a gentle purr it was alive...By god it was alive! Cue maniacal laugh track, etc., etc. "Wow!" the fillies exclaimed in unison and wonder. "Wow V you did it, you were able to Jerry rig an engine out of random bits of scrap, an apple peeler, and even a wierd milker that I hoped was used on cows for the fuel injectors. Yup you thought of it all engine, starter, batteries, fuel pump, brak-...OH FUCK A DUCK!"  
I realised while simultaneously shouting, "SCOOTS WAIT!" too late, she had already hit the gas pedal. "Awesooooooome!" she shrieked happily.  
"Wow" I said aloud, the scooter was going at fifty, maybe more, without a single hiccup, but I snapped out of it when I heard her cry out, "V how do ya stop it?!"  
"Uhhhhhhh lemme think!" I said with much stress that didn't seem to help the fillies confidence as she went wide-eyed with fear. "Shit if she crashes at that speed shell need more than a hello kitty band-aid and some ice cream to feel better." I thought. Suddenly an idea came to me, "Scoots!" I yelled, "Your wings! Use your wings!" "Ok!" she replied fearfully. With a buck of her shoulders she threw the tiny appendages open and, sure enough, she was able to slow to a rolling stop, just feet away she would have hit a BADLY placed pitchfork, tractor, and what looked like ACME style bear traps..."Seriously?!  
Who keeps that crap just lying around!?" I thought as I approached the filly. She looked a little shaken after the whole ordeal but when I neared her she let out a cheer of praise to me, "V! That was awesome! The stopping part was a little...Crazy but everything else was great! Girls did you see how fast I went? I can't wait till Rainbow gets here!" and, as if on cue, I was blown over by a multicolored gust of whoosh that would have put fast itself to shame.  
"What the shit nuts?!" I exclaimed covering my head. Looking up my senses were befuddled by what I beheld. Standing proudly, with wings outstretched,  
was a sky blue, rainbow maned pony with determination in her eyes and a cocky smile plastered ear to ear. "Wow," I thought as the fillies surrounding here began giving her high hoofs, "Shes almost exactly like me the confidence, the charisma, the coolness...What an amazing asshole."

**IT TOOK ME A BIT BUT I FINALLY DECIDED TO SACK UP AND SPLIT THE CHAPTERS INTO PARTS CONSIDERING THE LENGTH IT WOULD BE( IVE DECIDED TO KEEP THE CH. UNDER 2000 WORDS) THAT BEING SAID TO ANSWER THE RANDOM GUEST THE TERM "ASS-TITS" COMES FROM MY BUDDY TAYLOR WHO, WHILE BEING SOBER MIND YOU, HAD NIPPLES TATTOED TO HIS ASS CHEEKS...THE POSITIVE BEING HE HAS CHANGED HIS WAYS COMPLETLY FOR THE BETTER! THE REASON BEING HE WOULD NEVER WANT TO GO TO JAIL WITH HIS CURRENT STATE OF ASS-TITS. IF YOU GUYS HAVE ANY OTHER QUESTIONS ABOUT THE TERMINOLOGY PLEASE ASK AWAY AND ILL GLADLY ANSWER! SAME GOES FOR THE STORY! LEMME KNOW IF SOMETHING IS BUGGING YOU ABOUT THE STORY AND ILL SEE TO CHANGING IT UP AND MAKING CORRECTIONS. **


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